By John Kendrick Bangs
Having lately handed into what my great-grandson Shem calls my Anecdotage, it has happened to me that maybe a number of the memories of a roughly prolonged lifestyles upon this globular[1] mass of dirt and water that we're happy to name the earth, may possibly end up of curiosity to posterity, and i've for this reason, at [2]the earnest solicitation of my grandson, Noah, and his sons, Shem, Ham and Japhet, consented to place them into everlasting literary shape.
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Additional resources for The Autobiography of Methuselah
Example text
A pair of guinea-pigs were placed In state-rooms off the main saloon, Along with several rabbits chaste, A 'possum and a gray raccoon. Now all went well upon that cruise, And they were happy as could be, Until one morning came the news That filled old Noah with misery. — Were versed in plain Arithmetic; The way they upped and multiplied Made Captain Noah mighty sick. And four days out he turned about, And made back to the pier once more To rid himself of all that rout, And put the guinea-pigs ashore.
This isn't a sloop, or a catamaran, or a caravel. Neither is it a government transport, an ocean grayhound, or a ram. ” “No,” said I. “I refer to nothing of the sort. I don't know much about boats, but I know enough to be aware without your telling me, that this affair is not a battle-ship, tug, collier, brig, lugger, barge or gravy-boat. Neither is it a dhow, gig or skiff. ” he demanded, curtly. “An ocean,” said I. ” He laughed quietly as I advanced this objection, and for the first time in his life gave evidence of the haunting idea that later took complete possession of his mind.
My own wives I have invariably caught in a trap, so that later on in life, when I have found it desirable to emphasize my authority in my home by means of a stout stick, that emblem of power has had no glamor about it to weaken its force as an argument.... Then as to the number of wives that a man should be permitted to have, I am in distinct disagreement with the majority of my neighbors, who maintain that it is entirely a matter of individual choice as to whether a man should have five, ten or a thousand.