By Steve Dublanica

In line with The Waiter, eighty percentage of consumers are great humans simply trying to find whatever to devour. the rest 20 percentage, in spite of the fact that, are socially maladjusted psychopaths. Eye-opening, outrageous, and unabashed—replete with stories of purchaser stupidity, boastful misbehavior, and unseen tidbits of human grace within the impossible places—Waiter Rant provides the server's targeted perspective, revealing surefire secrets and techniques to getting reliable provider, right tipping etiquette, and how you can make sure that your waiter will not spit in your foodstuff.

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Extra resources for Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter

Sample text

He or she can make sure everyone gets their food but you. If the kitchen staff turns on you, it’s all over. Jeff thanks me for the heads-up. After a while the owner’s top-secret striped bass gets plated. I drop it off at Caesar’s table. ” Caesar asks, his breath reeking of onions and red wine. “He doesn’t know a thing,” I lie. ” I dive back into the lunchtime fray. Things are so bad Sammy’s taking tables. I run up to a couple eating with small children, apologize for taking so long, and get their order.

Caesar watches him go, then walks up to me. ” he demands. “I did,” I reply. ” Caesar screams. “NOT YOU! ” “R-relax, Caesar,” I stammer. ” Caesar shouts. ” It’s then I realize the gleam in his eyes isn’t the remnants of youthful vigor—it’s hatred. My brother’s in school and needs this job. He can’t afford my telling Caesar to shove it. Come to think of it, I can’t afford it either. “Sorry, Caesar,” I mumble. “Fucking Jews,” Caesar growls, storming off. I stare at the floor. Why am I taking shit from a guy like Caesar?

I feel like I’m having an anxiety attack. I forgo throttling Jeff. In my current mental state discretion is the better part of valor. I get in my car and drive home. Later that evening my brother calls. ” he asks. I tell him. “Caesar’s crazy,” my brother replies, a weariness creeping into his voice. “Thanks for getting me into Amici’s,” I say. “But you need that job there more than I do. ” “Maybe Sammy can work something out for you. ” Sammy calls me a few hours later. He tells me he can get my job back for a hundred bucks.

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